Hope

A week of absolute giddiness. Who knew that guys like that were still in existence? But like always the fear creeps in. Always waiting for the closet jerk to appear, for the switch to be flipped and me to be left here wondering what happened. Oh how i hope that isn't the next part of this story. I understand the reservations, the fear, I have my own version of it. The insecurities and doubts that plague every relationship i've had are not absent but they are kept at a distance by you're constant presence but today in your absence and in the sleepy unsure moments we spent together today the small flame of doubt was stoked to one that burns a bit more substantially. I'm hoping that it will be squelched tomorrow when i see you. Normally i would course correct and go into class tomorrow with my i don't need you face on and my red head attitude firmly in place but I can't fake it with you i like you and that's that i've already decided that if you let me down i won't even pretend like i don't care because i would.

I'm scared I seem to be falling down the rabbit hole and I can't even make myself stop long enough to leave bread crumbs to lead myself back if things go wrong. Head first, not looking back, it's very unlike me. I who will do any and everything to protect my heart from being broken again. I'm giving in I'm showing all my cards(well most of them...) and I'm not worried I may still be scared but for the time being my excitement out weighs my fear. I hope that the pattern is broken that I'm not left again with nothing but the confusion of how it got to that point.

Please be all that you seem to be.